BAD GIFTS - When his gift TO you is really a gift FOR him!

Okay, ladies, we've all had it happen - some dumb guy (husband, boyfriend, lover, whatever) gives us a gift that isn't really a present for us but something they want us to have! You know what I'm talkin' about!

• Sexy Lingerie - They just want to see you in it. Sadly, they have no idea that black garter belts and S&M inspired bras dig into your skin like dull knives and you'd much rather be wearing flannel jammies with feet! Send them a male thong if they do this to you - and make it pink!
  
• Household Appliances - Are you kidding me? Do guys really think we are just pining away for a stinkin' vacuum, dustbuster or waffle iron instead of a gift certificate for a day spa?
• Exercise Equipment - I can't even go here. This gift idea is beyond moronic and any man who gives it to his lady should be drawn and quartered by forty sweaty body building men with bad breath. Oh, and forced to drink spinach juice for forty days and forty nights. While wearing the above mentioned pink thong!
  

DO YOU WANT TO SEND THEM TO THE DOGHOUSE? Then watch this:



(This is one of the funniest commercials I have ever seen. It was created by the Saatchi & Saatchi Agency of New York for J.C. Penny)

Do you have a "bad gift" story? Tell us all about it in the comments - go ahead and rant, it's good for you!

ON THE UPSIDE: Hey, it's nice to have someone care enough to buy anything for you as a gift so let's give the guys a little slack this year and just toss them a dog bone instead of tossing them into the doghouse! Enjoy the laughs and HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

My Christmas Present to You: Mary Martin in Peter Pan!

As A Special Holiday Treat for all you Baby Boomers
and Children Who Will Never Grow Up

I am presenting:
THE ENTIRE BROADCAST OF
PETER PAN
Starring MARY MARTIN
at The PopArtDiva Retro Baby Boomer Blog

YESTERDAY: PARTS ONE THROUGH SEVEN
TODAY: PARTS EIGHT TO END
SPECIAL SONGS from Peter Pan

ENJOY THE NOSTALGIA AND
MERRY CHRISTMAS EVE
from The BRAT in the HAT!

NEWS FLASH - CHRISTMAS MYTH EXPOSED

I recently received this story from a "reliable source":

Santa's Reindeer Get P.M.S?

According to the Alaska Department of Fish and Game, while both male and female reindeer grow antlers in the summer each year, male reindeer drop their antlers at the beginning of winter, usually late November to mid-December. Female reindeer retain their antlers until after they give birth in the spring.

Therefore, according to EVERY historical rendition depicting Santa's reindeer, EVERY single one of them, from Rudolph to Blitzen, had to be a girl.

We should have known... ONLY women would be able to drag a fat-ass man in a red velvet suit all around the world in one night and not get lost!

ON THE UPSIDE: Just had to give you a laugh for Christmas week!

MERRY CHRISTMAS FROM THE BRAT IN THE HAT - I GAVE THE GRINCH THE WEEK OFF!
Enjoy a little Christmas Cheer from The Brat in the Hat:




Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

Expensive Designer Coffee Houses Annoy Me

Because I get so annoyed by those ubiquitous coffee peddlers selling java for upwards of eight bucks a pop I designed this for my online shop, The PopArtDiva Boutique. You can get this on tee shirts, aprons, clocks, mugs, coasters and a bunch of other apparel, gifts and goodies by clicking the image.

Yeah, I'm a smartass with a nasty attitude. don't you just love me? Now buy a tee-shirt and let the world know you've got some serious boobage or you've got a hankering for some serious boobage:

Visit The BRAT in the HAT RANTORIUM EMPORIUM for bratty, cheeky, irreverent, humorous, tongue in cheek GIFTS, APPAREL, CARDS & OTHER GROUCH GOODIES!

THURSDAY THIRTEEN - 13 Reasons Why It Sucks To Get Old

I am really happy to be back home in California but I have to admit that I am tired, sore and aching all over from the mental, emotional and physical stress of moving. I am in my third day of recovery and still not 100% back to my usual cantankerous, Type A self. Having never had to decompress after a move before I was a bit irritated by this because I realized that most of this distress is because I am not a Spring Chicken anymore. How damn rude of my body to offend me in this manner! Getting old just sucks.

So, in response, here's my Thirteen Reasons Why It Sucks To Get Old (there are more but I don't want you to think I'm becoming one of those really mean old farts who hate everything - I'm just a Grumpy Old Woman with occasional issues!):

1. You can no longer sit down or get up from a chair without making some noise. Either your body snaps, crackles and pops or you start to do that awful, involuntary verbal exclamation. I don't know why but these vocal outbursts do seem to aid in the physical struggle of parking or unparking your butt.
2. Your teeth are getting fragile and you are slowing heading back to a diet of baby food.
3. Your eyes are giving you trouble and all of a sudden you're either holding things far away or jamming them right up to your nose to read them. Or worse yet, you've bought a pair of those nasty magnifying half-glasses that sit on the end of your nose!
   
4. Senior Moments - aka your mind is turning to mush, you can't remember what the hell you got up for just 2 seconds ago and words you have known all your life suddenly seem to have evaporated from your vocabulary. This must be where the expression "I've forgotten more than you'll ever know" came from.
5. People are opening doors for you. Not because they're courteous but because you look so damn ancient they figure you'll never get the door open and they haven't got the patience to wait while you struggle to shuffle in somewhere.
6. You have to pee a lot more often and you'd better be damn close to a bathroom when the urge arrives! Now you're not only almost back to baby food, you're almost back in diapers!
7. You start using phrases like "whippersnappers", "new fangled", "kids today!", "turn that noise down - that's not music"
8. You look at the new fashions and think they suck so you start to look like a frumpy old fart who's decades behind the times.
9. Of course, your body has also widened, elongated, drooped and sagged to a point that if you even did like the new fashions you'd look like a damn fool in them anyway.
10. You have to wake up 2 hours early in order for your body to "warm up" and for your various stiff body parts to get lubed up and movable. This two hour window also allows for your morning coffee to lubricate your insides too.
11. You have started to read to Obituaries to see if anyone you know has died - and you're wearing those butt ugly half glasses to do so!
    
12. When your relatives come to visit (if you still have any living relatives) they are now spending the first half hour going through your house and scoping out what they want to get when you finally kick the bucket. If these relatives are particularly rude, they are even putting little stickers with their names on your things - "Dibs, it's mine when Auntie Terri is worm food!"
13. No one wants to make out with you anymore but your dog.

ON THE UPSIDE: You are wiser (hopefully) and a lot of these things don't really mean anything to you anymore because after enough years on this planet you have finally realized what really counts in life - waking up to another day! Think about it - what's the alternative to getting old?
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